Self-esteem = self-concidence… right?  Right?

Up until recently, I thought they were.

It wasn’t until a call last week with Dr. Bob Wright (he’s a friend and mentor, not my therapist) that I learned the difference.

Self-confidence is believing, “Yeah, I can do that.”

Self-esteem is believing that you don’t need to.

For me, this has been profound, and I’m still trying to process it.

I have very high self-confidence. For most things, if you ask, “Can you do it?” my answer is either “Yes, I can do that” or “Not yet, but give me a few days to learn… then yes.” This is what defines me. I am an entrepreneur. In the words of the great poet V. Ice:

“If you got a problem, yo, I’ll solve it.”

But self-esteem…

A few years ago, a business my wife and I built over decades got taken from us. At that moment, my self-esteem disappeared… but it didn’t. Because I don’t think I really had it to begin with.

You see, my self-worth was tied not who I was. It was what I did.

The latter was taken away, so I felt run over by a train.

But the former (who I was) was still intact. But I did not, probably still do not, have the self-esteem to take it in.

I was (am) what I do. But what if I just was (am)?

This is a puzzle I am currently wrestling with.

You see, I love being an entrepreneur. I plan on dying in the saddle, building online schools and solving the inevitable challenges that come up when dealing with anything where humans are involved.

But the question I am now asking myself is: Can I build a life I love even if that part is going badly?

The good news is that I don’t think I’m that far off.

I have an amazing wife and son. I have friends and family I spend time with regularly (or what passes as regularly for an introvert). I am healthy, have hobbies I love, and live in paradise.

I just need to integrate that into myself more. My self-esteem more.

Not sure how though… but luckily I do have high self-confidence. So I know, “I can do that.”